Party of One?
I feel really old. Yesterday night, my sisters and I were looking at the seminarian poster for our diocese and I realized that there are five or six guys there who are MY age. My age!! These guys have taking the incredible courage to say "yes" to discerning a vocation to be a priest, and here I sit, feeling like I'm caught in limbo.
Don't get me wrong. I am enjoying being single. There are a ridiculous multitude of benefits. For instance, I don't have to try to fit dates into my ridiculously busy schedule. I don't have to deal with the drama that inevitably comes with a relationship. Most importantly, I have time to learn about myself and not be afraid of my own company - to be able to really sift through who I am as a child of God. I also have time to do things for the Lord. For instance, I write this blog (ha! sometimes!), which I think would fall even more to the wayside (wow, would that even be possible?) if I was in a relationship.
On the other hand, do not get me wrong. I am enjoying my time of singleness, but I am not wanting to stay here forever. I eventually would be incredibly flattered if a great Catholic guy came into my life, pursued me for who I am as a person, and saw that the best way for both of us to get to Heaven would be to get each other there together.
Yet at the same time, I know that the time for me to be in a relationship probably isn't the best right now. Every night I feel burnt out after a 15 credit hour course load and two part time jobs. I also know that I'm not ready to discern a vocation to marriage for the simple fact that I myself am not ready to get married. I'm not ready to be a wife (can you imagine? That poor guy!) and I am definitely not ready to become a mother. Since the only dating I'm going to be doing is with a guy who I can see myself marrying, I don't need to be quite as concerned with this relationship yet.
Not to say that I can't have feelings for some great Catholic guys in my life right now. (As well as great Catholic guys who don't know I exist.) Yet this "season of singleness" can be used to channel those emotions into prayer and action. Praying for the guys who I am struggling with and their vocations, along with their future vocations. Praying for my future husband and whatever he is struggling with right now. Working on becoming the person I would want to marry. Spending time with the Lord before the Blessed Sacrament in prayer for all vocations. It's not a time of wallowing in my own self-pity, but a time for becoming the best version of the person God created me to be.
After all, it is a much more attractive girl who is content in who she is in God than to be the girl who is always known as looking for the next guy to make her feel cherished.
So I'm working on being content where I am and waiting on the Lord's timing. Pray for me, will you? It's a tough journey - totally worth it - but tough nonetheless