I Don't Want Easy - I Want Crazy....
(My dream of being a stay- at- home mom)
You're not hallucinating.....this is actually a new post. Believe it or not.
School has been crazy. This is an understatement. I find myself often wishing that there were minimally twenty-nine hours in the day. Who am I kidding....I still wouldn't get everything done then! Between fifteen credit hours at school and twenty to twenty-five hours of work a week, I don't think I'm home long enough to breathe before I'm headed out the door again.
One of my latest assignments in class has been to write about my "Ideal Self." You would think that writing about who you want to be when you grow up would be easy, right? Wrong. The only reason this task has been a challenge is because my ideal self is not very typical an eighteen year old college student.
One of the questions was : "In fifteen years from now, how would a friend describe your life?" The following is my answer:
Chloe is living a very simple and quiet life...but that is what she always wanted. She may not travel, work the average 9-5 job, or be making six figures, but she loves her family and enjoys spending time with them. She may not have all that the world offers, and her world may seem unbelieving crazy at some times. She used to love dressing up and looking put together, and now she is just happy to have her kids and herself dressed by noon. Her kids take a lot of time and love to nurture and teach, and, boy, she seems tired most of the time. But she is content....which is better than a false sense of 'happiness' anyway."
Pretty radical, huh? That would be the JPII generation for you. Yet to be completely honest, I can't wait to get married, hold my children in my arms and be filled with the knowledge that I am responsible for their very souls and path to the Lord.
Here is where the double standard comes in, though. Proceed with caution, here comes the great and dread vocation talk!
I understand my desire to be a wife and mother comes from God. Yet I also know that I am where I currently reside for a reason. The Bible says there is a time for everything, a season for all things. There is a time to get to know a certain young man and fall deeper into a relationship with him daily. There is a time to hold warm and precious new baby in my arms. Yet there is also a time to be with my family. A time to focus on studies and be a great student in fulfillment of my vocation.
Sadly, if the focus is so intent on what will come eventually, the daily beauty of everyday life is lost. The hysterical comments made by little brothers. The times of uncontrollable laughter with sisters over coffee and board games. The in depth conversations with parents. The bonding time with great friends.
A priest in confession once told me that we call the current time "present" because it is a gift. (Get it?) What a waste, in fact, a slap in the face to God, to say: "No thanks...don't even bother
trying to give me amazing things now. I'm so concerned with what may/will happen that I really don't care what you have for me now. Leave me alone until I'm ready to get married." It's tough, but we have to take time to stop and smell the roses (as cliche as that sounds). Enjoy the little things. Enjoy your ideal self that is in the present. God has amazing things He wants to do with you NOW. Listen to Him. Trust Him. (That's a hard one!). Rest in the knowledge that He's got you in the palm of His hand...and what a wonderful place of rest that location is.
God bless you all!!