We've Moved!

Hi there!
Over Christmas break, I decided to move Old Fashioned Girl over to a WordPress blog.  It's more user friendly, and the move came highly recommended.  If you still would like to read along, you can follow the link below.  If you'd like to continue to follow Old Fashioned Girl, there is a place for you to enter your e-mail and have Old Fashioned Girl delivered directly to your inbox!
See you on the other side!
Chloe M.
Be Not Afraid

https://oldfashionedgirlblog.wordpress.com/

Love is More than an Open Door: Chivalry in Today's Culture

I'm going to make a bold statement that some of you may not agree with.  The modern day gentleman who respects women and values human beings for who they are and not what they can give him is out there.

Believe me, I know what you're thinking. Because I thought it for so long as well.

That sounds great, but there aren't any good guys out there anymore. They just don't exist.  If they're out there, they aren't in my life and they probably never will be.  

Well, I'm here to tell you that you're wrong.  They do exist, and not just in fiction or Hallmark Movie Christmas specials.  Instead, they could be on your campus, in your church, in your family or on your way to work.

But in order to appreciate chivalry as a woman, that means that we have to accept the beautiful gift of a man respecting us.  And sometimes that's hard for a generation of women who have been told that their body is the only thing that a man wants, and it's not worth it to have self-respect.

I don't love chivalry because I'm weak, or lack self-esteem, or simply don't have the desire to open doors - but because I'm honoring the God-given position that has been given to the men in my life {whether that be my dad, boyfriend, or brothers in their own way} to lead me to Heaven.  Not because they're better than me, or holier than me.  But because in Ephesians 5, Christ calls men to lay down their lives for the women they love, which speaks of the love story between Christ and His bride, the Church.  Do you know what that love story involved?  Dying.  Stretched out on a wooden beam, heaving for breath, forgiving those who were torturing him, agony and pain.  Out of love for Her.  And out of respect for the amazing plan that God had for Her in the story of the salvation of His people.

Perhaps it is not the chivalry is dead...perhaps it is that we've started settling for a lot less.  A quick look onto the Billboard Top 40 Hits right now is a testimony to the deep ache felt by the general population for something more.  Something deeper.  Something meaningful.  

Selena Gomez is sick of that same old, her body has had enough.  Alessia Cara would rather be home all by herself not in this room with people who don't even care about her well being.  Cam has been sleepwalking, wandering all night, trying to take what's lost and broke and make it right.  And Justin Bieber just wants to know what his lover means when she nods her head yes but she wants to say no.  This culture is looking for a sweeter song - something satisfying.  Yet, ironically, it simultaneously rejects everything that resembles respect for one another as human beings made in the image and likeness of our Heavenly Father {especially in a romantic relationship, which often sink into utilitarianism} because it's old fashioned and the future has to have something better in store...right?

Maybe I'm biased.  I am exceedingly blessed to have an earthly father who has loved me from day one and never been afraid to show that through his actions.  I am tremendously blessed to be dating a man who constantly puts my good above his own and makes me so proud of him through the way that he loves me.  My little brothers respect me and honor me in their own unique way - which usually involves giving me a Nerf gun before they start firing.  Hey, to each his own.

Chivalry is so much more than just opening the car door or walking on the outside side of the sidewalk. It isn't just giving a girl your jacket or helping her carry things.  It would be a great disservice to the men who practice chivalry to reduce that virtue down simply to the fruits of the actions performed.  Chivalry is a state of mind.  Chivalry is valuing a woman's heart not for what she can do for you, but for who she is integrally.  Chivalry inspires those around it to be more, do more and act with integrity.

                      God assigns to every man the dignity of every woman. (JPII)  

Not just the woman you love romantically.  Not just your mother, or your sisters, or your dear friends.  No, every woman is deserving of respect...especially when she herself has forgotten that she is worthy of a passionate and self-giving love.

Gentleman.  In the amazing and continuously applicable words of Saint Pope John Paul II - Be Not Afraid.  I know, I know, I say that phrase so much, but it is so beautifully encompassing of the point I'm trying to articulate.  There are women who won't appreciate the gift that you're trying to give them through respecting them.  Give it anyway.  There are people who will call you old fashioned and tell you to get with the times when you take the time to go the extra mile in any relationship.  Ignore them.  You're tapping into the greater call of manhood when you respect a woman.  Every woman, regardless of her recognition of the fact, deserves men in her life who respect her as a child of God.  And every man deserves to be appreciated for his effort.  So, for those who don't recognize your acts of chivalry, thank you.  Thank you for putting our good ahead of yours in a very tangible way.  Please, I beg you, continue to stand against the current of the modern culture and show women the love that they so deeply deserve.

Ladies.  If the men in your life are showing you that you are worthy of respect...value them for it.  If the man in front of you at the convenience store or the classroom holds the door - thank them.  It's not because you are weak.  I know you can get that door for yourself.  But your brother is stopping and consciously reflecting the love that God has for you as His daughter.  We can't let that pass us by because we are too proud to say thank you.  The radical feminist movement has ruined a lot for women, but one of the greatest injustices that it perpetrated was the emasculation of the men in our lives.  In their own way, they are sacrificing for you.   Don't let the vicious cycle of use continue in our world.

On Sunday at Church, the priest who said Mass talked about the inherent intertwining that happens with masculine and feminine spirituality.

                      The strength of every man lies in the heart of the woman he loves. 

The interaction between the two sexes while here on this earth is meant to reflect the love that the Heavenly Father has shown and continues to show us.  Don't miss out on partaking in that exchange because of pride...on either end of the equation.

I Gave up Makeup for a Month...Here's What I Found.

I was seventeen years old when I first cracked open a bottle of mascara.  Granted, if it had been completely up to me, I would have been a makeup aisle regular long before the tender age of seventeen.  I had been eyeing makeup tutorials since freshman year of high school, and the countdown til the age of initiation into the makeup-wearers club seemed to tick away subconsciously until that blessed day.

Then the birthday rolled around, along with a select amount of makeup items and I integrated makeup into my morning routine almost immediately.  Granted, yes, it did add time to my already busy morning schedule (that mostly consisted of sleeping in twice past my alarm and drinking numerous cups of coffee) but it I thought it was worth it.  I felt polished, pretty, noticeable.

Yet, for a variety of reasons, I decided to give up makeup for a month.  When preparing, I thought that as the amount of makeup on my face diminished, so would my self-confidence, but I couldn't have been more wrong.

During all my time on Pinterest or YouTube, trying to find the perfect make-up routine, I had forgotten that I wasn't supposed to be perfect (in the physical sense of the word).  Instead, I was meant to be real - myself - and confident in who I was created to be.

Then I turned to my Bible for reassurance before the whole experiment started, and I couldn't have found more assurance and love than in the words that the God who created me wrote for me.

In Jeremiah 31:3, I was told by a Divine Lover that He had loved me long before I had put makeup on.  In 2 Corinthians 3:18, He spoke and said that I was being transformed to be more like Him everyday.  In Psalm 46:5, He told me that as I find my confidence, faith and trust in Him, I would have His help at the break of every day.

Thus, the month began.  Benefits abounded - there was something freeing about being able to take off my glasses and rub my eyes when I was tired without having to worry about black eyeliner streaking on my face.  There was a confidence felt in the assurance that people interacting with me were getting to see me for me - my personality, my quirks and Chloe-isms, and not just for what I looked like.  Slowly but surely, I was taking off a mask.

And no one said anything.

Not one thing.  Not at work, school, or social nights with friends.  Not at the coffee house, the drive-through or the line at the grocery store.

"I struggle with my skin, but who doesn't? There will always be something about ourselves that we find troubling, but in the end, we have love and that is worth more than all the accolades we could have ever received for being beautiful" - Christopher Poindexter 

As my normal interactions with those who came in and out of my life continued throughout the month, my confidence didn't diminish...it grew.  I was delighting in being seen for myself, and realizing that the weight that I put on my shoulders, this pressure to look perfect, was not a shared burden with those in my life who were close to my heart.  I was not being told by my closest friends that things had changed, or that they noticed I didn't look right.

I discovered that if I viewed makeup as a mixture of colors and pallets used to make ugly things beautiful, than I was doing makeup {and life} wrong.  Makeup is a way in which to magnify a beauty that already exists.  It's a morning routine that shouldn't cover up or distract from the beauty that comes from within - confidence, self-esteem and an awareness of the fact that God doesn't make mistakes.

Then, finally on the day I had designated as the end of my makeup fast, I pulled out my makeup bag from the cabinet it had sat in, untouched for almost thirty days.  And it felt different, putting on lipstick and making sure everything was in place for stepping outside the door.  I'm not saying that women shouldn't put effort into how they look, but it was strange to have to map out time for my morning routine again, instead of just waking up and delving into the day.

I learned that I want to be beautiful - a desire that had been in my heart while I had been anxiously waiting to be allowed to wear makeup just as much as it was a desire when I had my own little case full of colors sitting on the bathroom counter.

"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world." - C.S. Lewis 

My desire is still to be beautiful - but not like the pictures of the super models and Miss Universes or the photo-shopped falsity that is plastered across the grocery store check out lanes and billboards on the highway.  I want to be beautiful for the way that I think, the crazy thoughts that run through my head that with hard work and a lot of prayer from my friends upstairs, can be turned into a reality.

I want to be beautiful for the way I can make people smile and laugh and forget their worries, even if it's just for a little while.  I don't want to be labeled as beautiful for something that will fade - whether that be my lipstick color or even my physical appearance in a more general sense.  I want to be beautiful at a soul level - and that is something that cannot be attained by an eye shadow shade.

"That's the thing about inner beauty: unlike physical beauty, which grabs the spotlight for itself, inner beauty shines on everyone, catching them, holding them in its embrace and making them more beautiful too." 

12 Ways to Express Your Love in a Relationship

   We live in a world that reduces love {a beautifully complex process of willing the good of the other above one's own desires} down to sex.  What a depressing concept - to take what is good, beautiful and, frankly, amazing, and have the audacity to say that the only way you can show romantic love to another human being is through physically giving them everything.

   There are a multitude of ways to touch a person's soul and spirit without ever using your hands.  Not that I'm in any way an expert, but here are twelve ways to show your love in a relationship uniquely.

1.

Help Them to Christ
Faith is at the core of a relationship that is Christ-centered.
Whether this manifests itself through a stop into the adoration chapel
at the end of a date, or even something as simple as a rosary walk
or quick prayer together before the night ends, you will not
be disappointed when you let the divine author of Love itself
into your relationship.

2.
Ask About Their Day 
The monotonous happenings of week in and week out living
can result in days blending into each other.  Yet a intentional
question of how someone's day was, or letting them know
that you thought about them while you were away can break
the same-ness of a routine schedule.  

3.

Remember the Little Things 
You know that big promotion that he put in for at work? What about
the new book that she's anxiously waiting for the release of?  Little
details of someone's life might seem insignificant, but remembering
the small celebrations and struggles in the life of the one you love
shows an ability to listen and care about them.

4.
Compliment Who They Are, Not Just How They Look
Words of affirmation are a unique way to show affection
in a relationship.  Don't default just to complimenting someone
on just their physical appearance - although these compliments are not
without merit.   However, you have a unique view into someone's life when
you are in a romantic relationship, and the time spent together reveals
things about the other person that most may not recognize or appreciate
 as you can.  Maybe it's the way she laughs or the way he says a certain phrase.
Don't be afraid to bring attention to the characteristics that you love
 out and compliment them. Additionally, the culture puts an
incredible amount of emphasis on how someone looks, and not
on who they are, their interest or their identity as a child of God.
Don't be afraid to notice the things the world deems as unimportant -
it's okay to be counter-cultural.

5.
Spend Time With Them
This may seem like a very simple way to show your affection for
someone, but the reason that today is called the 'present' is
because your time is a gift.  Anyone can give gifts, money,
or conversations.  When you give someone the gift of your
time, you give away something you will never get back.  You
cannot rewind the clock - once minutes have ticked by on the clock,
they're gone - so don't be afraid to share those with your significant other. 

6.

Read a Book Together

Perhaps this is entirely biased of me - the girl with a stack of books about as high
as she are  that are calling her name over winter break.  But as an avid reader,
there is something incredible about reading a book with someone.
Edmund Wilson once wrote, "No two people ever read the same book."  The
perspective that another fellow reader can bring to the reading process is amazing.
So whether that is opening up a book on a shared interest or delving into fiction
together, open up the world of conversations
that can be ignited through the pages of a book read together.

7.
Put Their Will Before Yours
So often "will the good of the other as other" is tossed around
when the discussion of how to demonstrate love is brought up.  Yet in
practical terms, what does that phrase mean?  It could be on a
large scale, in terms of relationship details unique to each couple.
Or it could be in the simple things - like letting the other decide what
to have for dinner, or which movie to go see.  Will their good and
desires by putting yourself on the back burner for a while.  The result
is a giving of yourself - which is undeniably an expression of love. 

8.

Write Them Letters
Writing down your feelings for someone is sometimes a challenge
in a world that is filled with instant-gratification communication.
The time it takes to pull out paper and an envelope, put your emotions
into words on a paper, and then send those words, full of meaning,
off in the hands of a postman seems to be a concept of those good old days
we always hear about.  But writing a old fashioned letter can communicate
much more than just the words that you put on the paper.  The time, thought
and surprise of a envelope in the mail (that is not a bill to be paid) is a way to
show your affection to your loved one. 

9.
Try Something New Together
From my own experience, it is easy to stay in a comfort zone in your
personal life as well as in the life of your relationship.  Try changing
things up during the time that you spend together.  It could be a new
activity (the last time you went bowling was sixth grade? Pull out those
shoes and hit the lanes!) or a new restaurant, but change things
around and enjoy the adventure together.
In the words of the wise Saint John Paul II,
"Life with Christ is a wonderful adventure." 

10.

Take Interest in Their Interests 
This can be challenging - but while your in the adventurous mood,
take genuine interest in hobbies or favorites of your loved one.  You
weren't a super hero fan before you met him? Ask him to explain
the latest plot of the comic he's been reading.  Never tried her favorite
drink? Today's the day then, friend.  It may not end up being a mutual
interest, but the thought behind trying something new for the sake 

of your loved one goes far beyond the shared experience or interest. 

11.
Put Away Technology
Yet another product of our time, the good old cell phone
can distract incredibly from time spent with your partner.  When
you spend time with your loved one, put technology away and
appreciate the genuine face to face time (not Face Time) you can
spend with the person who you love.  

12.

 Pray FOR Them
So often, the phrase "I'll pray for you" is discounted.

Never discount the incredible power of praying for someone.
Through prayer, you are able to take concerns, struggles, successes and dreams
and offer them up to Christ.  This way of showing love could take various forms.
Perhaps it's offering up a Hail Mary for your loved one when you wake up
every morning.  Or it could be remembering their intentions during your Mass.
Whatever way this form of affection manifests itself, there is nothing more
attractive than a lover who sees the significance of the eternal beauty of the other's soul. 

   And there are my twelve, perhaps rambling and unconnected thoughts.  Don't get me wrong - physical expression - appropriate to the level of relationship experienced - of how much you appreciate and desire the good of your loved one is an amazing expression of your emotions and decisions.  However, don't discount the beauty of expressing your love in your relationship with time, words and actions.  You won't regret it, I promise. 

Give Me a Rose: Why We Swoon for the Bachelor

   In exactly 20 days, the 20th season of The Bachelor will start.  There are two reactions to this news.  You're either the person on the left, or the person on the right.

                                     

   If you haven't been around for the past twenty seasons, the premises of the show is that one, {lucky?} single guy starts out with having to choose from a pool of around 25 women to go on dates with.  Ultimately, he selects one of them.  Romantic dates, travels and drama ensue and he gives roses to the ladies in the contest who he can see himself with in a relationship.  The end of the season culminates with a proposal and eventual {probably televised}wedding.

   Which would be great, if it didn't involve so much drama.  It can be expected of course, but the amount of tears that are shed and hearts that are broken rack up quite quickly as the season progresses.  

Drama. 

More Drama. 

Oh, and over here I found some more drama.  Imagine that. 

                                       
You may think I'm crazy, but I think that at the core of The Bachelor, the producers are drilling into some deep yearnings of the human heart.

Despite the multitude of overly-flirtatious interactions, hot-tubs, and not-so-upright conversations, The Bachelor, and its counterpart, The Bachelorette, taps into a deeper desire for ultimate love and commitment within a relationship.  Our culture is saturated with sex.  Need an example? Just check out the magazine covers in the grocery store.  Today's culture has told us that a relationship requires sex NOW and commitment way later, if at all.  It's why cohabitation is becoming more and more prevalent, because the safety net of trying things out is directly correlated to our fear of commitment with one person.

Today's culture seemingly offers one option - hang out and hook up.  Articles on why people don't date anymore are run rampant on Facebook.  Culturally, the emphasis has switched from couples to the power that an individual has in their school choice, career path, and ultimately deciding when (or if) they are going to settle down and share with someone else.

The idea of being selected out of a crowd, given a rose, and pursued intentionally appeals to the human heart.  It is intriguing to be seen, found attractive for who you are as a human being, and then be purposefully pursued.  Even a simple thing like someone taking interest in a shared hobby can mean a lot, and being found interesting for who you are inherently as opposed to solely what you look like is rare in the visual world we find ourselves in.

The beauty found in an engagement and marriage – the hopes of relationship reality TV shows like The Bachelor  shows that there is a desire in the human heart for commitment to another, not just interest.  Interest is something that occurs when there isn't something better to do and when it's convenient for your schedule.  Commitment is saying you'll be there, and loving the other as other, not for what they can do for you to return the favor.

Our culture is sick of commitment.  Have you been invited to a Facebook event lately? Long gone are the good ol' days of "No," "Yes," and "Maybe."  Now you only have the option of "Interested" "Going" or "Ignore."

Interested? How much more of a non-committal statement can we get?  The next option should be "I'm coming if nothing else better comes up or cooler people invite me to hang out with them."  Let's be honest and stop trying to sugar coat it.  Instead of seeing events and opportunities to spend time with people as a chance to connect with another human being on the same journey to Heaven, we're reducing people down to the pleasure they can bring us.

Not just sexual pleasure in a relationship, but even the pleasure of a good time, fun conversation or instagram worthy shots.

"Treating a person as a means to an end, and an end moreover which in this case is pleasure, the maximization of pleasure, will always stand in the way of love."
- Saint Pope John Paul II, Love and Responsibility 

What you'll see week after week in The Bachelor, as Ben goes through girls and tries to discover in a few short weeks the woman he'll be asking to discern marriage with him, is that it will be easy for pleasure to get in the way.  And let's be honest, it's 'reality television,' so there will inevitably be {scripted}drama.  Yet if you are glued to the screen and have a countdown ticking down the days until January 4th, don't miss out on the deeper message that Ben and the ladies are begging for, whether they know it or not.

"A person's rightful due is to be treated as an object of Love, not as an object for use."
 - Saint Pope John Paul II, Love and Responsibility 

The Bachelor is popular because our souls were made for ultimate completeness, a desire that can only be fulfilled in God's unconditional, Agape love for us.  The answer to this ache in our hearts that can only be filled with love is not going to be satisfied here on this earth - even if you were picked out of all the 25 girls and Ben chose you.  You've already been seen out of all those who have ever walked this earth and will ever walk it, and God sees and loves you.  And that's better than any bachelor rose can ever be.